Wednesday, October 26, 2011

8:48 pm, October third recovery

Me dancing at Cheryl and Miguel's reception,
photographed by my daughter
At that moment, a wave of certainty washed over me.  One big, invigorating, epiphany-style, see clearly through the CFS-fog wave.

I have little moments like this from time to time, but three moments so far (including this one, at a random moment during Cheryl's wedding reception) have brought monumental waves of certainty that I will be okay.

The first was watching the sea turtles the day we first saw them this June in Waikiki and the second was watching them roll in the waves at the same spot in September.  These moments are gripping, like the rays coming down from the top of a fancy cathedral and falling into the hands or onto the faces of statues of angels and saints when you are a twelve year old being raised catholic, or focusing on a rare species you are dying to see and having it cross your path just then.

I have been very fortunate through most of my illness to be very high functioning.  And when I travel I have days that I hardly feel like a sick person.  Partly I don't have time to, partly I think dramamine does amazing things for me when I fly, partly I am helped by warm climates, and partly I have been having consistent improvement in a number of symptoms.

During the night, I felt great.  I drank wine, and more monumental...I danced.  I wouldn't have felt able in any recent situations I can think of, but this time I felt so able that I didn't really think about it, I just got up and did.  And it was great.  I think it was the first real cardio I've done and it was great.  Post-exertional-malaise would have hit me by now if it were going to.  So this is wonderful.  I also walked more than 3 miles each day in Vegas, which I know I mentioned already, but its great because that was the benchmark my doctor gave me for attempting to run, which I am tremendously looking forward to.

An interesting thing about my face in the photo above is that, although it looks like I'm pursing my lips, I think the face I was making actually had more to do with fatigue in the Bell's palsy side of my face.  I think only my husband or other Bell's palsy patients would be able to tell that, though.  My right eye is squinty and my right side is a little droopy and motionless compared to the left.  I don't notice it as often any more, and this picture is following a week of travel and a ten hour day.

I ran into a co-worker today who asked how I was doing.  She asked in a way that I felt like implied that she could sense I was doing well.  It felt good to be able to give such a whole hearted "good!"

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